“Now! If I wanted a map to Mexico, would I choose a map to L.A.? No! I would choose a map to Mexico, and not L.A. If a man wants salvation, how can he say any spiritual wisdom will mean spiritual growth? Would a map to Carolina help me get to Mexico? Even if I memorized it, I don’t think it would help. How can any wisdom make a person higher? How can any wisdom be good? If I had a map of Oregon and tried to get to Mexico, I’d get lost! Knowledge is often mistaken for spiritual growth. You can get lost very easily. Now! If you want salvation, you’ve got to choose the correct road. So you’ve only got to know one thing! Love God! The philosophers of the world possess a lot of wisdom. I believe much of it is wisdom, even if it’s nonsense. At least it is creative. All of their thoughts are true in at least one instance or situation! Many of them are very wise. But if you want to go to Mexico, you don’t choose a map to Oregon, just because it’s absolutely correct. It won’t get you there. It will get you to Oregon. So how can you say that for salvation, all wisdom will get you there, or all wisdom is good? Some wisdom could be correct, and lead you into the path, if you followed it, to hell! So don’t think for once that all wisdom concerning spiritual life is good!” “Look there! You see something that is the truth, so don’t fidget with what is not, no matter how wise it is. For this will bring you nowhere. In this case: wisdom of what they say is naught. So be quiet. For they can’t see wisdom in humility. For these people fail to see that wisdom is in your actions, and not your words. The sun, the stars, and the people come. Don’t waste your life! Show me an intelligence that is greater than love. If you can, I want to eat it. If you can’t, don’t think for once that a man who cannot love has wisdom. Don’t stumble over yourself. The sun, the stars, and the people come. Don’t waste your life. Don’t become a word to the sun and stars in the sky. Let them become a word to you. Let it be known. No power on earth can stop what is going to happen. No psychiatry, no lawyer!”
As you read above, on July 19, 1975, I sat down and wrote about maps. This foreshadowed my approach toward overcoming the emotional scars. I recognized there was knowledge, but the question was, what knowledge would work for me? There were people who spent their whole lives studying psychology, but did they study the correct thing? What if they spent their whole career studying the wrong thing? What if they took the wrong path? Somehow, I recognized the difference between different kinds of knowledge. Some knowledge was useful while others took up valuable space and energy. I believed in what was described in the first vision about Eclectic Knowledge. I sensed the Eclectic Knowledge and it was inside me. I followed the path inside me, which was the correct path to solve the problem. Other people were smarter than me, more educated, and older; of course they were, I was only an adolescent, and couldn’t consistently impress anyone; but, my path was inside me. To follow the elder, the smarter, the more able was to fail, for my path followed through Eclectic Knowledge, which came from God, and the intelligentsia of the universe! Sounds crazy! But thankfully I believed it. I seemed to be driven by an unknown power. This power took over at some point. I talked about getting knowledge from somewhere, and “hidden wisdom.” On February 7, 1977, I wrote:
“I don’t remember how I knew how to dissipate. It seemed pretty obvious that I could, sort of like looking at a lamp, and theorizing if you pushed it, it would fall. Maybe it was God. It quite possibly was this “hidden wisdom” I sometimes have. I sometimes know things without having any practical experience to know them. Sometimes I hear voices in my sleep teaching psychology.” Previously Oct. 2,1977, I wrote:
“I’m battered and bruised, but I’m successfully dissipating everything. I’m as hard as rock. I’m getting strength from somewhere.”
So as you read about how my path lead to overcoming the torment, consider your path, and pray that you’re on the path God has chosen for you! See that being on the right path can make all the difference, especially when it comes to overcoming the impossible. On the last day of the bike trip, I dreaded coming home because somehow, I knew that the path of my life included facing a dreadful challenge. I wasn’t just coming home, but was returning to face my problems. As we approached San Jose, we stopped for lunch at a park in Fremont. It was July 30, 1975. I wrote:
“12:18 P.M. A cloud of wonder over my head? No, only home. I can see the brownish, grayish smog in the sky. It clusters over San Jose, only 17 miles away.“
After riding a bicycle 2500 miles, at the age of 17, it came to this. I saw the smog of the city 17 miles away, and sensed the demons over the 17 years of my life. I couldn’t hide behind the bike ride anymore. All that was left was the demons clustering over my head like the brownish, grayish smog.
At home I wrote: “8:57 P.M. And in the deep blue waters of my life, I see my trip floating away. Although it seems not yet reality, I know it is so…This saddens me…I must choose a path! I cannot drift in the sea any longer! I must stand up! Arise! I must raise a picture above my head for all to see, and say: “I am this.” …I must straighten out now. Become a person. No winds can stop me, no mountain can be high enough. Damn the thought the prevents me! I don’t think I can stand watching T.V. I don’t really know. I’ll have to try. I need some outside entertainment. I wish some friends would come over. It seems none ever do. It seems my hands are always left empty when it comes to friends. I must stop thinking that way, or maybe I’ll never have friends. I cry at the thought! Maybe it is to be! But let me not think that way! For whether true or not, let me become like a seed that’s reaps friendship from the inside! …I’m hot! I don’t like my bed. Maybe not San Jose. If I were traveling through, I would say…get the hell out! But I live here… A wall of guilt is in my mind! I don’t know why it is there! Or maybe I do! I suppose I’ve written about it before! Enough with it! Let not the devil betray me once more, and make me think I’m thinking my own thoughts. For if I wasn’t thinking his, at times I might not feel guilty. Whose am I thinking? Are they mine? Or is my mind being crushed as if it was stuck between two cement pillars?”
The trip was over. God was dead.